she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
