If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
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