On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
