Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
