Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
They took my balls.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
