he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
