I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Randomize