YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
