Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
