Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
