LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
