even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
