hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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