Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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