Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
