Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
