I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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