I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize