You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
