She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
