Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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