We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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