PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize