OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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