It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
