Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
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