Im at strip club and am horny
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
