I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He has the fingertips of a God
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