i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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