Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
