How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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