just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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