My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
