Betty ford says i'm here all night
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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