I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
