you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize