I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
