Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
there's paper in my vomit.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
