why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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