So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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