I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You are the jesus of drinking
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
