I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
