A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
When are your genitals available?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
