walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
