i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
