so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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