Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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