i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
