I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we made out on top of his cat.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
