the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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