Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
