There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
