Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Let's get the cat blown out
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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