i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
