we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
