Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
