i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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