I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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