i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Thank you for not boning my boss.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
