proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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