I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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