I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
