it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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