I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
These tits shall not be calmed
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
