That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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