i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
