I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
this boner is exhausting
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
