:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
