Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
