So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize