I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
