i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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