k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
