I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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