My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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