one might say we're banned from that church
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
