There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
