3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
