He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
