I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My orgasm happened in two different decades
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
