k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
