I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
