mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
