I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize