the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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