More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize