I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
COCAINE IS GR8
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
