true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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