I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize