my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
