I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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